Every year, my mom makes some mention of wanting us to not be disappointed at Christmas, to have it meet our expectations.
But for me, Christmas is predictable. There are rituals and traditions that I help create every year. I celebrate with the same people every year, and eat the same food every year. I don’t have a lot of unmet expectations around Christmas, because I know what to expect and I enjoy doing the same things with the same people every year.
But New Year’s Eve is a different type of holiday. I’ve never celebrated the same way or with the same people two years in a row (except maybe in high school?).
I generally start freaking out about what to do for NYE a couple weeks before Christmas. It wasn’t always this early, but after years of not thinking about it until after Christmas and then scrambling to find or create something to do (when I was in my early 20s, this felt super important), I’ve accidentally managed to make it a source of anxiety. This has led to some unpleasant NYE experiences: Being stuck in Penn Station on December 31st with a group of approximately 15 (2009ish) and anxietying myself so hard I wake up nauseated on January 1 and have to leave before brunch (2011, maybe?) come to mind.
And so last year, after spending most of New Year’s Day driving and getting back to Philly super late and exhausted (which I had told Chad was exactly what I did not want to do), I decided I was done with the NYE pressure. If I felt like staying home and eating cheese and going to bed early, I would. If I felt like getting all introspective and starting my Unravelling the Year workbook while the clock struck midnight, I would. If I had the wherewithal to rent a cabin and invite a bunch of friends, I would. (This one hasn’t happened, but I aspire to do this someday!) I would do whatever I wanted and would not be anxious about crowds, or social situations, or spending a socially constructed momentous second with a bunch of strangers, because I wouldn’t force myself to do any of those things.
So what did we decide to do? Well, we’re in a new city, but it’s small and walkable. Maybe we’ll get dinner and wander around until the Red Rose drops and the fireworks start at midnight. Maybe we’ll run into friends or new neighbors and eat pizza eggrolls at the Chinese place. Maybe we’ll wander over to the distillery and see what’s happening.
No pressure. 2015 was hard. 2016 was hard. I need 2017 to start easy. No expectations. Just curious, casual adventure followed by the promise of brunch. I’m thinking ricotta pancakes.
See y’all next year! I’ll be back soon with a 2016 recap, and a new set of goals. Stay safe, friends.
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